Tuesday, March 1, 2016
I find it funny because most people would love to google stuff like “how to stay happy in a relationship” or are very interested into the “secrets to being super happy couples.” Or when they are flipping through their Facebook feed, they click articles that would suggest 10 tips to keep their man/woman in love with them.
Today, I am asking the question, how to set-up a break up?
So tell me, how do you actually get away from a relationship? Is there a peaceful way to do it? Can you actually go through this process without being hurt or hurting the other party? Do you think a relationship can die a natural death?
At the moment, I am only hoping for the latter.
You might ask me why I am asking such a question. Let me answer you by another question. What if I am actually designed to be alone? What if I am happier if I am just by myself. What if, I was just majorly influenced by the shouting command of the world, that being alone is depressing? What if, I was so convinced that the best feeling in this world is to be with someone in your life? Forever? What if that is actually not true? That no matter how pathetic you imagine it, there are people who are gifted with just being alone?
It’s not funny, because I know only of what I feel today. And today, I want to be out of a relationship.
It’s not funny because I was in this same situation before and the break-up went horrible. I became "the monster." The destroyer of someone else’s life. I don't say this to many people but the pain caused us both. It was like a double-edged sword that pierced both our hearts. But because he was the victim, most people sympathized with him.
I don’t find it funny because I never wanted to be in another relationship after that bad break up. But I have been swayed into it again and eventually loving another man. I was hesitant and still am but ended up loving him anyway and I still do. But our circumstances had changed and I think it’s best that we move on and start living our separate lives. It’s unfair that I make him believe that we can be together [soon]. He now then tries to build his life for the hope of being with me but in reality, we are looking at years to be together again. I don’t want to waste his efforts in gearing his life up towards this plan because I lack the faith of seeing it happen. The agony of waiting wears me thin. And if I am only being tested of my patience, perhaps it is not my thing.
Google says, talk to the person like an adult. Tell him the truth that you want a break-up. That should be very easy, I suppose? No. Not if the feeling is not mutual. I realized that this man will never let me go because he still loves me. No matter what I say to convince him that the relationship will no longer lead anywhere, he’ll continue talking to me and will pretend like I said nothing. Because I still feel for him and moving on is supposed to be a process that starts with a break-up I can’t start it because he doesn’t want to consent with what I want. So it becomes a cycle that is best illustrated below.
There are only two ways this cycle can be broken. One, when he stops loving me or two when there is a third party involved. It is sad. Because I know he still loves me and I do love him too. But I think there should be an expiration date for this kind of relationship and that time is now. I don’t want to resort to cheating and I want to part ways with him while I still love him. Is that even possible? I don’t know. I don’t know.